DISQUS

Wilfredo · 7 months ago

I actually waited until I was 17 to have sex. Not for any religious reason, but for my shyness. Looking back, and knowing what I know now, I'm glad I did applying that shyness as a shield.
Marva, I can't give advice as a parent because I'm not one, but I've witnessed parents who have been open with their kids, and the kids have turned out to be good adults. I think that's the key to making sure your child makes the right choices.

Marvalus · 7 months ago

I was 16 Wil...and then I waited again until I was 18.

Both me and my ex talk to my son ALOT about sex...because we would rather he hear it from us then get it from his friends. So when he comes to us with questions, I feel proud, because he feels comfortable enough to ask. So I think we are on the right track.

But that day is coming when there will be no more questions...

Wilfredo · 7 months ago

You should feel very proud that your son approaches you about that subject! To this day, at, um, 47, I still can't talk to my mother about that (nor would I want to, lol). Yet I feel lucky I didn't commit the same mistakes that a lot of teenagers were committing at that time.
How old is your son anyway?

Marvalus · 7 months ago

He's 13...

SjP · 7 months ago

Guess most would consider me a prude of sorts, as my first time came when I was 21...

I'm afraid to look for the innocense in the young-SjP's eyes who are 18 and 20. I just try to make sure they understand that now is not the time to be fruitful and multiply!

Marvalus · 7 months ago

I wouldn't consider you a prude at all...I would consider you smart and wise and knowing when the time was right for you.

Believer · 7 months ago

Everything is fast and furious for children today, and that includes sexual behavior.

Exhale. He's still got it!

Marvalus · 7 months ago

I wish I knew for how long, Believer...but I'll treasure it while it's there, and make sure that he knows how much of a treasure it is too.

sHaE-sHaE · 7 months ago

Girl this story is just sad. Kids these days are getting into situations they have no idea what the consequences really mean. Not that no other generation hasn't, but this is the age of diseases that have mutated into things penicillin can't cure. Masturbating each other during a film!? Wow. What type of teach is that who isn't paying attention to their classroom? When I was in school the teacher would walk around to make sure we weren't asleep. She would have bust gasket to find kids performing sex acts in her classroom.

Marvalus · 7 months ago

Isn't it though? The situation with the kids in the classroom...I don't know if the teacher stepped out of the room, but even if he/she did, wrong!

I have a whole 'nother post on what teachers stand for these days coming...

Verite aka Nordette · 7 months ago

Beautifully expressed, Marva. Did you see my post on Blogher.com related to Oprah's show? It's cross-posted at my blog but the larger number of comments are at Blogher. The Oprah show included a teen couple, age 14, thinking they were ready for sex. Most parents think that's too young, despite there being a time when 14 was marriage age. But that was years before childhood included adolescence.

We have a case that just happened here in New Orleans, a band teacher at my old high school, not anyone who was there when I was there but a young teacher, was arrested for not only having sex with a student but also for having students over to his house to have sex with each other. Nobody knew until a mother of one of the girls was having a heart-to-heart with her daughter and the story came out. I've been thinking about posting on it, but kind of don't have the heart for it because the story is so disturbing. If I do post on it, it will be at The Urban Mother's Book of Prayers.

Marvalus · 7 months ago

Disqus had your comment as spam (I'm guessing because of the links) so I had to take them out...I apologize about that; I don't know why it is happening today, because it never normally does that...

Anywhoo, it is easy to say that you are ready for something at 14 because you think you know enough to make those decisions. But sex is big, bigger than you think and there are emotions that you haven't felt, love that you don't know, hurt that you can't imagine and you need time to grow into those things...

But who am I? Only someone who has lived through that stuff and knows...

Verite aka Nordette · 7 months ago

Hey, I commented. Saw the ocmment, and then it vanished.

Marvalus · 7 months ago

I got your comment via e-mail...but for some reason it's not showing up here...I'll check that out...but thanks!

DB · 7 months ago

i understand your nervousness. my sun will be 16 in August. so far its been pretty low key. as far i know he just talks to girls on the phone. i caught him trying to look at porn on the internet, but i knew that was coming. i remeber when i was that young and i try and approach him about things that i wondered about at that age.

i lost my virginity when i was 15. and i'm pretty sure he still has his. but i know the hormones are going on inside of him.

excellent read "M"

Marvalus · 7 months ago

This whole "turning 13" thing has me turned upside down...I have to stop sometimes and look at it from my son's POV because I know that it is brand new for him and he doesn't understand what is happening to his mind and his body.

We've already gone through the looking at porn thing on the 'net...Lord! And he now has to sleep with his door closed because I'm afraid of what I may walk in on.

It's an adjustment for both of us and I couldn't tell you which of us is having a harder time...

SDG · 6 months ago

Hi Marva! It's been awhile. I asmit to my mouth hanging open in horror when I read the wrods of your friend. I was raised in such a strict household that many things shock me. :-) I'm sure you are doing a great job with your son and that he will honor himself and you.

I was on the train going to work and 2 middle schoolers were making out right in front of me and I cringed. I wasn't even thinking about all that at their age. Times sure do change and I sound like an old fart right about now. lol

clnmike · 6 months ago

Man, I guess my mom knew what she was doing when she shipped me to all boy schools.

The Single Black Woman · 6 months ago

Did you talk to your son about what happened at the school? There's no way that all that happened and he didn't know about it.